A Hole in the Heart
by SPS-kun
Summary: Some have love come to them without difficulty. Others have to work for it. Itsukicentric


**A Hole in the Heart**

A Yu Yu Hakusho fanfiction by Sir Psycho Sexy

A/N: My version of Itsuki's past. Contains sexual references (prostitution) and some angst. I'm trying the best I can here to present what I think his past was like and why he acts the way he does in the present timeline. -SPS

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Itsuki grew up without the comforts of family. His parents, it was rumored, were killed by some demon hunters and their body parts sold on the black market, but he was much too young to remember how exactly they had died. Nor did he have any siblings to keep him company, as much as he might have wanted them. He was alone at an early age.

Living on the street was tough. He quickly learned to master his yaminade abilities, and stole food from stalls with his shadow hands to keep himself alive. However, some merchants got wise to the young boy's theft, and soon he was back where he had started. No money, no food, shoddy clothes. But then he met a demon who would change everything.

Said demon was strong and ugly as sin with prominent pointed teeth, but he had a way for someone of Itsuki's tender age to get back on his feet- nay, possibly live in luxury. He tempted him with morsels of food to get him to follow him, and then led him to a building that was dirty and covered with Makai weeds on the outside, but had several plush bedrooms within. He promised Itsuki money- on the condition that he take off his clothes for him and his customers. The boy's stomach turned, but he had little choice. Plus, he sensed, being such a rare species of demon would be something of an asset in this line of work. So, then and there he performed his first sex act upon the ugly, brutish demon, hesitant, but knowing that this would be the only way for him to survive.

As he grew older, Itsuki became desensitized to prostitution and the accompanying lifestyle of walking the streets late at night and being forced to do humiliating things to other demons for money at his pimp's parties, but could not shake the feeling that there was something more as he fucked and shadow-hand-massaged his clients. Plus, he hated how his pimp- the ugly, brutish demon- took most of his money.

_There had to be a way out of this_, Itsuki thought. _There just had to be…_

One night, a young cat demon came in for a massage. She told him about the visits she had make to Ningenkai, and how fascinated she was with the culture there. She described this thing called "love", and how humans glorified it, saying it could conquer all things. Sure, humans mated, she said, but they did it under the pretext of this noble emotion, unlike most demons, who just saw fucking as fucking. Her whole face lit up just talking about this "love" phenomenon, as if she may have actually met a human partner, and he or she may have shared this knowledge with her.

It hit Itsuki what he was missing all of this time: love. Demons came and demons went, both male and female, to the yaminade's door, but they were just there to get laid. To give him money and phony attention for the sole purpose of intercourse. But this human emotion was so noble, so beautiful, in contrast to the baseness of demon lust Itsuki had experienced his whole life, and captured the sense of what he felt to be the hole in his heart. He needed to love someone- no, he needed to love a human, because they knew about love, and would love him back. It seemed so unreal. But he knew he had to go to Ningenkai, and leave Makai behind. But to do so, he needed money. More money than his pimp could provide.

He left the cat-girl behind, thanked her for her conversation, and told her to go on her way so she would not get hurt. Then he barged into his pimp's office, summoned his newly-tamed Ura-otoko, and had the shadow beast devour his pimp whole, blood gushing all over the room. He smirked as the Ura-otoko devoured its prey.

In this instant, Itsuki felt relieved. He had decided to become his own pimp for the few weeks that he stayed in Makai; after all, he knew the ropes, and he got to keep one hundred percent of his earnings. In between clients, however, he would tunnel into Ningenkai and purchase some romance novels. He loved all of the loving pretense in the books, but he was struck by the absurdity of their being only about male-female pairs, as he had found in his personal experience that males were more pleasurable to him, and did not see why humans would be so obsessed with such an odd idea of their "One Way Love Should Be". He shrugged it off as being a human quirk, or maybe their still being stuck in a sexual Dark Ages.

While still in Makai, he heard about the exploits of one Sensui Shinobu, the Reikai Tantei, and the fear he instilled in the hearts of demon-kind. Every time he heard about him, he could feel the hole in his heart healing and his knees going weak, but he was stoic enough not to show it. But he knew the boy was amazing, and that his destiny lay with him. Whether or not he got killed did not matter, what he wanted was to confront him, to see his face, to feel his power. He knew he was experiencing what humans called "love".

He then quit prostitution, and moved to Ningenkai. A place called Mushiyori, in Japan,

where he learned Shinobu lived. He found a cheap apartment there, and passed enough as human (even though many thought he was a foreigner) to get a job at a convenience store, as he did not have enough money on his person to stay there for a long period of time. He worked very hard, hoping he could someday meet Shinobu, know of him, experience him, and have the hole in his heart completely sealed up.

And one night, while the Tantei recognized him as a so-called "fugitive murderer", he got his wish.

-END


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